A typical James thing
by Crazy4Moony
Summary: Gryffindor and Slytherin are at war against each other. When the battle's fought James notices that to him, it's still not good enough. Something's missing, but what can that be? And will he get what he wants, or is he too naïve to see what's right there?
1. War Wounds

**Chapter one: ****War wounds**

They were fighting and everyone knew it. Well… it wasn't that hard to notice. It wasn't like they were even _trying_ to hide it. And if they _were_, they weren't doing a very good job.

Whoever you were, whatever you were doing in the hallways, it wasn't your place. The castle had been separated in two parts. One was Gryffindor territory, the other belonged to the Slytherins. And if you didn't belong to either of these houses, it would be wise to try and _fit in_ with one. Let's say for example, you wanted to be in the library, you should definitely make sure you're waving a red flag and cheering the Gryffindor chorus. If you needed something from the Slytherin part, than you were in trouble. We all know Slytherins aren't really the nicest people on earth, but during these continuing fights, they were even worse. Gryffindors weren't that sweet either, yet they accepted people on their side. They at least gave you a chance to finish your homework. Because really, teachers did not accept "but they were fighting again!" as a proper excuse.

One thing was sure though. This weren't just fights. There was a war going on. And when one of their territorial fights was held, you better fucking run the other way! Even teachers suffered from it, there was really no stopping them. Whole hallways would be crowded with Gryffindors bravest, and Slytherins sneakiest. Others would be in empty rooms discussing the next attack. When they were fighting, it was terrible. They'd be doing this whenever, wherever. There was no predicting it. And when this would happen in hallways you needed to be in, you could be sure that you'd arrive in your class, half an hour late and decorated. This decoration, depending _of course_, on the sort of spells that hit you during your trip to the classroom. And if you were _really_ lucky, they'd just stun you and you'd be carried of to the infirmary. At least that way you wouldn't have to go out in that freaking war zone again!

The teachers tried to keep the fights to a minimal, but it didn't matter. They calmed down the riots the first four times—after that, they all got their own share of curses. And even teachers can't handle about one hundred students, firing spells on everything that was moving and not pro them. The first time the Slytherins and the Gryffindors were all summoned to Dumbledore's office, he was forced to talk to them in the hallway, since all of them had shown up. Fights stopped for about two weeks, after that, all hell broke loose… _again_. All the other times Dumbledore wanted to discuss the matter, he picked the two leaders of the fighting sides. James Potter and Lucius Malfoy. But whatever he said, it didn't work. Gryffindor and Slytherin were fighting, and they wouldn't stop, until one side won.

**AN: This is kind of the prologue for the story--to see if people actually want to read the crap-snitzel. So, if you want more: just review. Flames are okay too, if you insist.**


	2. Troll Buggers

**Chapter two: Troll-buggers?**

There was nothing but complete silence—and Binns' monotone voice of course. No one was paying attention, and James was doodling on a piece of parchment. Remus was making notes, not really listening to the words, but managing to write them down none the less. Sirius had fallen asleep, head on his arm and drooling over his own 'notes'—which were secretly rhymes he'd been making. Peter was staring at a piece of wall on the far end of the classroom. And then…

"IEUW! What the fuck!" James jumped from his chair in distress.

Everything was icky and sticky and dirty. Yellow-ish mud-like liquid ran down his back and covered his hair. James thought it looked suspiciously much like… No, it couldn't be. He wouldn't _dare_… Or would he? James turned to stare furiously at Lucius Malfoy.

"What the fuck is your fucking problem!" He yelled.

Sirius gave a yawn and stared perplex at James' clothing. Then he looked at Lucius. Since when was James covered in…? And where _the hell_ did Lucius get all the…

"Well, apparently _you_ are," said Lucius, smirking. All Slytherins howled with laughter. Remus' eyes had widened in shock. What was wrong with Lucius? And was that…? "I'd take a shower if I were you. Troll-buggers is a hard rub-off."

James closed his eyes for a second. No. Fucking. Way. He knew it'd been troll-buggers. Yet he whished to cherish hope that maybe it _wasn't_. Fuck.

Professor Binns went on, talking about wars and stuff. He hadn't even noticed that a Slytherin had just attacked a fellow-student. Though it didn't really matter. It wasn't until James' fist connected with Lucius' yaw and they were both rolling over the floor, all students supporting their favourite, that professor Binns looked up. He then said, loud and clearly: "Mister Flotter! Mister Mallroy! Get up this instant!"

Both Lucius and James got up, slightly panting. James couldn't help being a bit proud of himself. Not only had he managed to blacken Malfoy's eye, he had also managed to push their bodies so hard together that some of the bugger had rubbed off, and chosen Lucius' clothes as new home.

"Go to your head of houses! I do not tolerate fights in my class!"

Lucius left without another word. James picked up his bag, glaring at the retreating blonde, and Sirius got up, and saying: "I'll erm… go with him… to give him emotional support and all… with the troll-buggers and the… you know."

Sirius scratched his head, and raced after James. Professor Binns frowned slightly, but didn't react. Remus looked quite panicky and took his notes, swinging his bag over his shoulder: "yeah, and I've got to go give Sirius emotional support, who's there to give James emotional support." And thus all three of them had extended the room.

James looked at Lucius' back. He walked a couple of metres in front of them. His hands were in his pockets and his bag hung loosely around his shoulder. Remus shook his head and murmured a couple of words, releasing James from the troll-buggers.

"So what the fuck is wrong with you!" James said. Lucius ignored him, not even turning around. James didn't understand. He rolled his eyes. "What the fuck?" He turned to Sirius and Remus. Maybe they understood.

Sirius said nothing, took his wand, and flipped it. Lucius smacked to the floor and James started laughing. Sirius had learned to master non-verbal spells in second grade. Quite the miracle-child indeed. Lucius' bag lay scattered, his inkpots were broken and bits of parchment were covered in black ink. James noticed an envelope, 

but continued snickering. It served him right. Attacking James without having a proper reason. Lucius got up and glanced at James once. Then with one invisible flick of his wand, James rose from the ground and smacked hard into the wall. _Fuck!_ And all went blank.

--

"James?" Remus' soft voice whispered. "James, you 'kay?"

"Mmm…" James opened his eyes.

Now where had Malfoy gone? He'd love to give him a piece of his own medicine. Smack him into the wall repeatedly. Oh, next time he'd see him…

Remus and Sirius helped James get up. James vaguely heard Sirius talk about how Lucius'd gone nutters, and how his mother died, and that might've been why he freaked. James could not care less. All he wanted now was revenge. Oh, little did he know that his 'revenge' would cause the school to form two sides. Little did he know that his 'revenge' would be the source and motive to start Hogwarts' greatest war.

**AN: next one's called 'every-flavour-beans'. In which James decides to only consume green beans... and why's that? Review if you liked, so I know whether to update or not.**


	3. Everyflavour Beans

**Chapter three: ****Every-flavour-beans.**

"I really don't see the point anymore." Sirius said, suddenly.

James frowned and popped another (green) every-flavour-bean in his mouth. They were in the great hall, having lunch. Remus was somewhere in the library, and it had been peculiarly quiet between Sirius and James. They had both needed their own quiet moment. That was over now, obviously.

"Of what?" He asked, looking up, only to realise that Sirius was intensely gazing at him.

He was a bit frightened of that look. It made him feel as if he'd done something wrong. Which really, this time, he _hadn't_.

"Of buying those." Sirius pointed at the pyramid-shaped box, which held James' beans.

"Why not?"

"You only eat the green ones." Sirius noted.

It was true, he decided. James had been weird about beans before. He'd always decide not to eat a specific colour, after he'd had a bad experience with a bean. But he'd never ruled out all the rest, to be left with only the green ones. Which, let's be honest, were the ickiest ones. Really. What's green, and good and jummy? Nothing. Green ones were always boogers (Bleh! Sirius grimaced in remembrance,) or spinach (those weren't good either!) or any type of vegetable really. So, Sirius had noticed James being picky with the beans again. And he'd thought one of them had done something wrong. But not _all_ colours could be against James! And still, he only chose to consume the green ones (making faces of repulsion and utter disgust along the way.)

"I do not," argued James, frowning. "You're insane."

He took another green bean, saw Sirius' eyebrows quirking, and stopped his motions. Now the bean was halfway between his mouth and the box. James got a pink blush, and stared at it.

"They're… good?" He tried feebly.

"No they're not," said Sirius matter-of-factly. "They're repulsive."

James dropped his hand. So Sirius was totally right. He just… couldn't eat any colour but the green ones. The reason though, so foolish and non-sensical, should remain between James and the beans only. He refused to tell Sirius. The grey-eyed boy did not need yet _another_ reason to find James a complete fool. It was bad enough as it was.

"Come on," Sirius whined. "Te-e-e-e-ell me!"

"Okay, fine," James sighed deeply. "But you must promise not to laugh!"

He shook a threatening finger. Sirius nodded: "I promise."

"Swear on Remus' life!" James said, knowing Sirius held Remus very close to his heart. Really, he'd swear they were in love, but Sirius would have none of the nonsense, and to prove this, he shagged every girl he could get. (Which are a lot, let me tell you!)

Sirius took a deep breath, and then said quickly: "IswearonRemus'life!"

James smiled happily, popped another green bean in his mouth, and quietly said: "it's my silent protest against the Slytherins, until we have another battle."

Sirius resisted the urge to laugh hard and loud, instead he shrugged, managed to make it sound like a couch, and then, trying his best to sound cool and serious: "and you think it's actually doing them harm?"

"Well..." James began, fishing for another green bean. "They _have_ to feel sooner or later. I mean... all this green stuff being eaten... it must have some sort of impact on them."

Sirius struggled even harder as he saw James' serious face. He actually meant it. Merlin, he had weird friends. Not that this meant he didn't love them all the same. Just... they were weird. Or at least, James was.

"Yeah... so, how many Slytherins have you eaten to death?" Sirius asked, deciding that mocking was not the same as laughing.

"None so far," James admitted. "Maybe you could help."

Sirius looked up, shocked at even the idea of only eating green beans, and almost wanted to jump James when he saw him grinning. Pff. Bastard. Making fun of him like that. James let out a laugh and got up.

"Come on," he started towards the door. "Let's get another package. I'm running out of green ones."

Sirius sighed but followed him nonetheless. So James was weird. But he was still his best friends, so there wasn't really anything he could do about it.

**AN: might I just note that we jump in time. This isn't told day per day, because in the next chap, the war's already over. So, yeah. Oh, chap 4 is 'The Devil's hairpins'. Okay...**


End file.
